Make Peace With Your Inner Critic…

The words we speak to ourselves inside our head have power — as much as, if not more than, the words we speak to others. We all have an inner dialogue of words that we both hear and tell ourselves. We are not born with this dialogue, but it begins to develop in childhood as others speak to us, and our parents and culture teach us how to function in the world. The words of others become our inner dialogue and world view. They can either limit or support us –  having the power to impact everything we do. 

                       ’John’ Watercolor Painting.

BELIEF.

Science has shown that our brains will believe what they are told to believe. Thus, the words we come to believe result from the voices we hear most often, whether from the people we see every day or the ones we grew up with or from our own frequent repetitions. Our beliefs about ourselves and the world, which come from those words inside our heads, provide the playbook for the way we live our lives.

                  ’The Swinger’ Watercolor Painting.

INNER CRITIC.

The impact of our thoughts can vary depending on whether they assist us and deserve to be cultivated, or are negative and hold us back from our goals. Certain situations may trigger particular thoughts, depending upon our skills and previous experiences. Art may bring out our insecurities, for instance, and increase the likelihood of our inner critic showing up. Pay attention to the way you speak to yourself.

Often the inner critic is a voice in our heads saying mean things and making us doubt ourselves. That voice can generate uncertainty, fear, and feelings of inadequacy, giving us a hundred reasons why failure is imminent and we ‘should’ do something else safer. The critic may tell us we’ll make a mistake, we’ll never be an artist, we’re not good enough, we always end up doing something wrong and ruining our work, or even that we don’t deserve to take time for ourselves for something we enjoy. 

Look at those thoughts and see how they are NOT helpful or kind. Bullying and berating ourselves will not help us be more successful. Self-criticism from the inner critic is best taken with a grain of salt. Much of what the inner critic tells us may not even be true! We don’t have to believe every thought we have.

                 ’Gingersnaps’ Watercolor Painting.

However, the intent of the inner critic is to keep us safe. It’s giving us a message that we’re feeling vulnerable and could use some kindness and support. Therefore, we should allow our inner critic to say its piece, hear what it says, then immediately place some boundaries on the thought by REFRAMING the words to be more positive and encouraging. We need to do something to make ourselves feel acknowledged, not put down.

RETRAIN THROUGH REPETITION.

Since our brains believe what we tell them, it’s possible to practice some new thoughts and retrain our brains. What we say to ourselves repeatedly can become habitual and a new belief. With repetition, our self-talk can change our mindsets and attitudes, making success more likely. The inner critic never totally goes away, but we can aim to keep it in its place rather than be controlled by it.

                        ‘Hikers’ Watercolor Painting.

Here’s how:

First, take each negative thought and restate it. When you hear “You have no talent,” say to yourself something like, “I am a beginner, and I can learn.” Or “I get better every day.” If your inner critic blurts, “You’re such a quitter when things get hard,” you can reply, “When things get hard, I will try again.” If you hear the words “You never get anything right,” you could say, “I do my best, try my hardest, and that is good enough.” If the criticism is “You’re too scared to even try,” then answer, “I am afraid, but I’ll do it anyway.” When the voice says, “You don’t know how to do that; just give up,” reply, “I’m not sure how to do that, but I’ll figure it out or ask for help.”

Second, repeat your more positive self-talk over and over, and then repeat it again. You may find this tactic difficult and feel uneasy at first, because you don’t quite believe the new statements yet. However, remember: your brain believes what it hears most often. Have patience; with practice you will become more and more comfortable with the words and the message. Your confidence and support of yourself will increase.

“What we speak becomes the house we live in.”   (Hafiz)

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